


Boring, But Nice

by MsArachnid



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, secret santa gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-24 10:54:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13212279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsArachnid/pseuds/MsArachnid
Summary: Junkrat and Roadhog go out to dinner.Written for a discord Secret Santa.





	Boring, But Nice

**Author's Note:**

> A gift for majo_naise in a roadrat discord. I hope they like it, because I don't.

The walls were tan. The lighting was dim, making the room look darker than it was. A few candles on every table gave a sense of coziness and warmth. An older man sat in a corner with a guitar, playing easy listening renditions of Christmas carols as ambient music. Next to him was a fish tank built into the wall, with two big fish swimming lazily.

“This is nice,” Roadhog offered, looking over the menu.

Junkrat ran the edge of a fork over the flame of one of the candles. “Sure. Kinda boring though, right?”

“It’s nice,” Roadhog said. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

Roadhog held up a small device and flipped a switch to its second setting.

Junkrat dropped the fork. “Ohhh, I forgot all about that! Nope, ‘m fine, can barely feel it!”

“You sure?” Roadhog’s hand ghosted over the third setting. “We’ve barely started.” 

“Actually, now that I think about it...” Junkrat squirmed a bit and let out a giggle. “Maybe I _do_ feel something. Kind of. When I - ” he twisted his hips and shoved his hand between his legs, even though it did nothing, “ - yes! There it is, see, no need to up it to three _just_ yet…” He trailed off into breathy giggles as the waitress came by. 

Barely looking at the two, she said, “Can I start you off with some drinks? Our bar offers a variety of beers on tap if you’d like to see the list -”

Junkrat interrupted, face flush and voice breathy. “Yes! I’ll have a mangotini, he’ll have a regular beer, and let’s just order our food now, right? Get it over and done with fast? I’ll have the New York steak and he’ll have vegetarian pasta with green beans and a baked potato.”

The waitress, unprepared to take their dinner orders, scrambled to write it all on her pad. “Your meal comes with sides, what would you -?”

“Whatever! Whichever, all of them, none of them, it doesn’t matter!” He snapped, shooing her impatiently back to the kitchen. Once she turned around he gave a full-body shudder and shot Roadhog a glare. “You turned it up!”

“No I didn’t,” he said, showing the remote still on level two.

“Yeah, well, you turned it back down again.”

“Maybe. You could have been nicer.”

“Oh _maybe_ , if I didn’t have a vibrator shoved up my ass with metal underwear on. I can’t even take a piss without trying to remember a locker combination! And it’s cold as balls in here with this flimsy dress.” Junkrat went back to fiddling with the fire, this time lighting small pieces of bread on fire.

“You look good in it.”

“Oh no doubt about _that_ , I look fucking great, it’s just cold.” The dress in question was a yellow sundress, with lace around the bottom, the neck, and the sleeves. The sleeves were short, and Junkrat had no jacket. The restaurant had its air conditioning cranked up, and it was chilly for just a dress. He couldn’t even borrow his boyfriend’s jacket, because _he_ was wearing just a too-small T-shirt and jeans. He didn’t seem at all bothered by the cold air.

Roadhog grunted and ate some bread. He took the candle out of Junkrat’s reach. Junkrat jiggled his leg and tapped his metal hand on the table, with his flesh arm still shoved between his legs.

“This is so _boring_! Why is there so much waiting?! How long does it take to slap some food on a plate?” 

Roadhog sighed. “Gotta make the food.”

“Right, right, right, sure. Shouldn’t take this long, though. Why’re we here again? This place is too nice, it’s making me all itchy.”

“Wanted to do something nice.”

“Okay well! Next time I say -”

“Calm down,” Roadhog reached over and squeezed Junkrat’s hand. “We’ll eat. We’ll have fun. Then we’ll leave. And won’t do it again.”

“Okay! Okay, okay.” Junkrat mumbled some more to himself, trailing off under his breath as he continued to squirm in his seat. The waitress came back with their food and drinks, and Rat immediately transferred his unwanted sides to Roadhog’s side of the table. He grumbled a bit at the price, fully knowing they had no intention of paying, but was pleased at least to see they got a decent amount of food for the cost of it.

They ate quickly. The food was pretty good. Halfway through, Roadhog switched the remote to the third level just for the heck of it. Rat nearly choked on his food, bolting straight up before giving a massive, shuddering moan. “Why do you keep _doing_ this to me?”

Roadhog shrugged while he chewed. “You wanted fun. This is fun.”

Junkrat stabbed at his plate. “It’s not as much fun as I thought it’d be.” He frowned at the candle, out of reach from his wandering hands. He perked up. “I have an idea! What do you say we blow this place and pop that baby on its highest setting?”

“Thought we were gonna do that anyway?”

“But not the last part! That’s the part that makes it fun!”

“‘Kay,” Roadhog said.

Junkrat _beamed_. He leaned across the table and stage whispered, “Meet me at the kitchens in five minutes,” before leaping up and bounding away. 

Roadhog heaved a massive sigh. He shoved the rest of his food in his mouth, shot the guitarist a glare for watching, and followed Junkrat into the kitchen. Whatever he had planned wouldn’t take five minutes. He pushed past confused kitchen and wait staff, who started to ask what he was doing there and stopped when they received a sharp glare. He looked around the corner and by the freezer, but there by the stoves was Junkrat.

Junkrat noticed him and grinned. “You’re early! Good, though, I’m done. Ready?”

Roadhog nodded. He turned around to go get the bike, and turned around again and gave Junkrat the remote.

Junkrat stepped back. People were looking over. “You hold on to that. Turn it up to four and bring the car around, darling!” He gave a little wave at Roadhog’s back. 

Roadhog rolled his eyes and did as he was told. He doubted it the remote would work at this distance, but tried anyway. He got his bike and brought it around to the restaurant's back entrance where Rat waited. He was shivering slightly, palming himself through the thin dress with a zoned out expression on his face. When Roadhog pulled up, Junkrat refocused and stood up straighter.

“Finally! I was dying out here! _Come on_ , I can’t stay in this much longer!”

An absolute lie, Roadhog knew, but he sped away with Junkrat anyway. He found a nice hill not too far away so they could watch the show. They got off the motorcycle and sat down on the cool grass. The air was warmer outside than in the building, but Roadhog held Junkrat against his stomach anyway. He helped him out of the belt as they leaned back and waited for the fun to start.

It didn’t take long. Junkrat amused himself with himself, and Roadhog played with the settings on the remote and watched Junkrat’s reactions. Shortly, there was a small explosion in the kitchens of the restaurant. They had a great time watching the the building empty out, and seeing the people run around in a panic. It was deliciously chaotic. They sat there in silence, enjoying the night and mass panic until Roadhog heard the echoing of sirens in the distance. He urged Junkrat to get up so they could get back in the bike and speed off into the night.


End file.
